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Thread: A Good Laugh!

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    spiderman's Avatar
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    Default A Good Laugh!

    We need more reasons to laugh. Here are a few. (#7, #14 and #20 almost caused a personal moment...) Enjoy!




    Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
    across the country.

    Here are last year's winners.

    1. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    2. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
    just before it throws up.

    3. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    4. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    5. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
    gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    6. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
    like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    7. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one
    of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
    speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
    of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
    ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an un earthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
    surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
    comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
    fry them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
    the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
    Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
    p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
    resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
    one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
    this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
    for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but
    a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
    behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
    power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
    if she were a garbage truck backing up.




    Spidey

  2. #2
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    I give #19 double extra bonus points for good use of the word "wont"
    I caught you a delicious bass.


    My Resolution to Write:
    http://bradywrites.blogspot.com

    National Poetry Month!:
    http://tinyurl.com/c8f6sx
    http://tinyurl.com/nationalPoetry

  3. #3
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    id like to see the rest of those stories..hahahhahah! funny! totally funny !!
    www.etsy.com/shop/DazeDesigns
    ((((((((twelevepeeps)))))))))

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    Can I get the phone number for the guy from #14?

    I'm in love with his smart arse already!

    _____________
    LadyHope

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    That had to be my favorite, too, Lady.

  6. #6
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    lol, these are great Spidey!

    ~hb


  7. #7
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    I liked #10 and #14.
    To funny.

    Thanks for sharing.


    Lindenmi
    No question is a stupid question if you don't
    know the answer. Stupid is not asking.

  8. #8
    spiderman's Avatar
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    Linden, is that a GOAT? lol

  9. #9
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    why yes it is a goat! LOL
    I liked it so much I made it my avitar.


    Lindenmi
    No question is a stupid question if you don't
    know the answer. Stupid is not asking.

  10. #10
    spiderman's Avatar
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    I absolutely LOVE it.

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