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Thread: My week in beaurocrat H*ll Part I

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    Default My week in beaurocrat H*ll Part I

    Well! It was certainly an eventful week.

    Started out okay--boss and I left in the government van for Harrisburg to our training conference. A word about the training: the government is undergoing massive change and is instituting a new employee rating system. The old system consisted of two possible ratings one could achieve: pass, or fail. Either you did your job or you didn't; if you did an exceptional job, you could be put up for a cash award. If you were mildly poor at your job, you might have to undergo re-training or even a reprimand or two...but it was nearly impossible to actually FIRE a government employee once they had achieved "career" status. (One achieves such status usually three years into tenure--no particular milestone had to be gained first.) There were too many ways to hang on to your job--all in the employee's favor. That is what they--the Big Brothers in Personnel--hated about it, and it's what the employees loved. So of course, it had to change.

    So--now the NEW system (called NSPS) is being implemented. This new system consists of a series of steps, or layers, each with its own set of rules and layers, and the layers within each of these layers have layers. In other words, it's suddenly a lot like Shrek's definition of "ogre"--like an onion. (Only it's actually MORE like an onion--it stinks and makes you cry). We've already gone to one whole week of training to introduce us to the new system--back in October; this week was the second week of it. And still, the system is not in place yet. We spent hour after mind-numbing hour learning new acronyms, new layers (the onion kept us in tears) and by Wednesday I was literally Brain-Fried. I left the meeting stating loudly that there was absolutely not a single iota of room left in my skull for any more information. I needed a stiff drink and some irreverant humor.

    There are 13 of us "employees" in our district. Each of our offices has one HRT--Human Resources Technician (formerly known as a "Secretary"). We stick together and get along fine. But part of our new system is writing our own evaluations for the bosses to pick apart--they call these exercises in self-aggrandizement "Self-Assessments". We have to have them done by Friday, June 20. So naturally, the biggest toady of our group, a man I will call "Bud", decided that he absolutely had to write his NOW. The hotel was very basic--it had a plain little PC in the corner of the lobby--which, as soon as we all got back from this brain-destroying all-day meeting, Bud just had to commandeer so he could write his badly-misspelled and totally untrue Assessment. The rest of us sensibly wanted booze and fun, and good food for dinner--and had already arranged to meet at 5:30 to get all three at a local pub. But when we got back, and saw Bud banging away on the computer, it sort of set off a mean twanger within us all, and we watched and taunted Bud while he was trying to write--to come with us, be one of the group--please, Bud--put that crap away for FIVE FREAKIN' MINUTES!! and let's go eat dinner--but no! He refused. (suckup!)

    So we left without him.

    And we did have fun. Had a quackquackquackquackquackquackquackquack meal--if you're in New Cumberland PA, the restaurant is called Gullifty's and it's MARVELOUS. Great food. Great atmosphere. It relaxed us and we got down to planning a prank on Bud.

    The restaurant even went along with us--gave us a clean empty pizza box. Which we filled with nasty notes, totally unveiled slurs and insults, and fake--um--personal items (marked "size very small") that were made from wet-wipe packets. And rocks. And some rib bones we had. And a napkin with lipstick stains on it. We planned to have it delivered at Bud's hotel room door, hide in the breakfast room off the lobby, and take pictures with our cell phones when he arrived to pick up his "delivery."

    Yes, it was childish. But that's what government work does to you.

    Part II:
    next post
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    Default H*ll, Part II

    When we got back to our hotel, and arranged with the bored but very willing desk clerk to have the "pizza" delivered to Bud, we discovered two things: (a) that hotel desk clerks are pushovers and maybe shouldn't be, and (b) that Bud wasn't there!

    Bummer!!

    Then it hit us--he had gone out to dinner with the BOSSES!!! They were the only ones left after all us employees had gone--so he had to be with them! Not only was Bud a toady, he was a TRAITOR. Now we were really mad.

    We bullied the hotel desk clerk into putting the pizza box in Bud's actual room, and agreed that all of us were going to do a giant "snub" in the morning--actually turn away when he showed up--and pretend we knew nothing. (best advice: when you're confronted with your own stupidity, pretend ignorance.)

    Of course, only two of us were actually sober.

    I was one of those--and the other designated driver, N---, was the other one. I had taken the government vehicle to dinner, and I wasn't about to be THAT stupid--out of state, alcohol on my breath? No--I'm this old for a good reason--because I TRY.

    Anyway, We all ended up retiring to our rooms, disappointed and slightly miffed at Bud for being the suckup he obviously was. It was slightly anticlimactic after that great dinner and the high hilarity. Oh well. Fecal matter sometimes takes place. It was still light out, and it was time to go upstairs, change into the swimsuit, and spend some quality cooling off time in the hotel pool, shallow tho it was.

    And I had just gotten my suit off the back of the bathroom door when the fire alarm went off.

    Yes, the fire alarm.

    Grabbing my purse, I headed for the stairs, only to find our HRT from Delaware on her way down as well. We hastened out the back door to the parking lot, to be joined by a very amused boss from Columbus, who was smirking and jerking his thumb over his shoulder in utter disbelief at our HRT from Roanoke--who was shuffling out to the front in her leopard-print satin PJ's!! Of course this warranted more pictures. (Love that cell-phone camera!) and there was soon a lot of talk about posting things on the 'net...etc....sort of "HRT's Gone Wild" kinda thing. We had our giggles about it, lemme tell ya. Roanoke is not the sort of person you would have thought would even own a pair of PJs so "Elvis-like". But it's funny what you find out about people in a tragedy, eh?

    Anyway, it wasn't long before 12 pumper trucks pulled up to the front of the hotel and began commandeering the crowd. Which really wasn't very big. There were plenty of people STILL IN THE HOTEL. They went door to door and hauled butts outside. Literally--one man was dragged off his feet by the back of his shirt!

    While we stood there speculating what had happened, (heat wave? Hair dryer? Smoker in a non-smoking room?) we also began to notice that Bud still wasn't back--so we devised the ultimate nasty plan: when he came in, we would tell him it started in his room. "Honest, Bud--someone delivered a pizza to your room and it was ON FIRE!!" We could see it all--and the satisfaction reigned.

    But Bud didn't show up. AGAIN.

    And the "fire" turned out to be a minor gas leak. In an empty room.

    Talk about a letdown!

    Oh, but it's not over yet.

    No--there was one more karmic smackdown we--or specifically I--got to suffer.

    Next morning, I discovered the van was locked with the keys IN IT. My boss was rather, erm....unhappy.

    It was a very very LONG ride home, folks.

    And I still have to write MY self-assessment.


    -----

    POSTSCRIPT:

    To those who played in the Music Hunt, I apologize for not making my puzzle better--from the feedback I got, it was a bit misleading in describing the structure of the thing--and led some astray looking for something I didn't include. Next time, I'll do better!! I truly appreciate the kind remarks, and Pianoman--hope your birthday is happy! And Knocka...you're a swell gal for having organized the hunt to begin with! Nice job everyone!!
    Visit my web site: http://christinkeck.webs.com
    CK or as they say in Spain, "Yes, What?"

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    Default H*ll, Post-post-script

    Oh yeah...where was Bud? Next door at Bob Evans--eating dinner alone.
    And the dummy had left his self-assessment on the hotel's PC hard drive--so we all copied it to our flash drives before we went back upstairs.

    Yeah....that'll teach him.

    Visit my web site: http://christinkeck.webs.com
    CK or as they say in Spain, "Yes, What?"

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    just an fyi ...normally in cases where people have to write their own assessments...either ~ they make themselves sound really good, make themselves sound really bad, or are right on the mark...this will tell you the type of person you have employed...more times than not..people are harder on themselves and dont see themselves as others would...

    dealt with "Not-so-Friendly's" corporate politics for years..before they realized i wasnt playing LOL

    just on an off note... why do you think "bud" is that way?

    the continued obvious outcast...which could at times be funny...like the pizza...but...how do you think that makes him feel? im not giving you or anyone else a talking to...just stating what i see..okay..no judgements...just a different perspective...you see, i used to be the person that made friends with these people...i wondered what was so wrong with them that people would consistantly pick on them or make fun of them...well ya know what? usually turned out to be one of the better friends i had...for ex...when i managed Friendly's in Utica,there was a guy that was the cleaning guy, the dish guy & the maint. guy; problem..he was big tall and had a bathing issue
    ...what did i do? talked to him one morning...and asked why...
    he doesnt care about himself...well i found out who was saying what behind my back and everything else...i gave him a ride home, because no one else would..and why should he take his money and pay a cab...specially when i could easily give him a ride...he was grateful..had a new friend...and a new respect for himself..b/c someone took a chance on him...and..the staff & employees..had nothing left to say about him...

    take a chance on someone else ....someday it might be you that needs to have a chance takin on

    peace~ Holli
    Last edited by hollidaze39; 06-18-2008 at 11:41 AM. Reason: cuz i cant spell a part. word lol
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    Oh, Bud's okay...he's just a bit egotistical about his job. Thinks he does it better. Truth is, he does it the same as we all do...and we all know it, even if he doesn't. LOL....

    He's a solid part of our group--we haven't excluded him. We were all really shocked that he wouldn't come with us; usually he has no trouble joining in. And he was really good natured about the pizza thing. We're all pretty good friends, and we wouldn't have done anything to him to really insult him and he knows that.

    We all kid each other unmercifully. It's part of what makes this job tolerable.
    I got my self-assessment done yesterday, and my boss and I went over it today--he told me he really couldn't contradict any of it. That was a relief!!

    I appreciate your insights, though--seriously.
    Visit my web site: http://christinkeck.webs.com
    CK or as they say in Spain, "Yes, What?"

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    well thats good!

    smoochies babe :*
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