Haircuts for guys are way different than for you females out there. My hair will always grow, and I will do nothing about it until the wind blows strong enough to make it stick out at weird angles. So, this week was weird angles week.
First things first: I’m cheap on my haircuts. I’ve paid $14, $13, $12, and they all look the same. Shorter. So I go to a place for $9 haircuts on Tuesdays, normally $13. I never get the same person twice. I know them as “the funny black woman,” “trailer trash complainer woman,” and “smells like BO and cigarettes woman.” This time I got “army dude.” I’ve never had him before.
I have been there enough times to have them write my preference into the computer. A #4 razor around the bottom and sides, scissors on top, not too short around the top due to cowlicks. The #4 razor is the right length, and it gets me out of the chair in about 15 minutes, because they can cut half of my head in record shearing time. The scissors on top reduce the chance of flat-top.
Army dude reads the directions. I proceed to take my glasses off and hold them in my lap. This means I can see a blob shaped object in the mirror that must be my head. This also means I can’t see how short he is shaping my hair. He does the #4. A bit higher than usual. He does the scissors. I’m thinking DONE! He pulls out a #3 and starts making the sides of my head a little less frizzy, I guess. He pulls off the top of the #3, which I think makes that a #0, and continues on the sides. He pulls out a straight razor and finishes the sides off. I probably should have said something around the #3, but he looked really intent, and was kinda big, so I stared blindly at the blob in the mirror, and the blob’s sides were getting slimmer and slimmer.
Then comes the question. “How does that look?” I pull out the glasses and scream, “WHOA!” It’s shorter than I have ever, ever had it in my life. Unless you count that time I cut my own bangs, and the barber looked at my mom, like-what have you been experimenting with on your son.
Army dude senses he may have gone too short. As I am paying my $9, he asks, “Do you want me to change the directions in the computer?” NO! The directions did not involve a straight razor and a crew cut.
My first student of the day saluted me.
The third student of the day asked me if I was going bald.
The fourth student of the day said, (I am not making this up) “Your forehead is Really Big!”
My wife on day one said, “It will grow back.” On day two, “You get what you pay for.”
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